You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
