420 ftw
even my farts smell like vagina
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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