i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
