Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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