Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize