I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nicole vs. Life
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
