You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
