I CAN MOONWALK!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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