should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
