In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
