i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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