First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
