I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
