My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
