I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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