I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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