Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
