put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
