At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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