Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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