So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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