White coat. Heels.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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