Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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