Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
