I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
