I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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