I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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