i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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