I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
