I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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