Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
