yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
