Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
