She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
