i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
COCAINE IS GR8
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
