he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Did you pee in the oven last night??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
