just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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