Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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