you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
