Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
