morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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