If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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