I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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