the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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