I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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