My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
