so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
