hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
