so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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