no you cant smoke seaweed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
