tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
