Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
