Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Randomize
