Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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