Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
