Umm I'm too high to move.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize