at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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