Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
