Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
