I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
