How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
