I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
