do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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