You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize