I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
