were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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