Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
