I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
