After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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