U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
