she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
