Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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