We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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