Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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