Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
