My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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