Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Im part way to drunk.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
