our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
