We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
