Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
