I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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