Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
