we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
