Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
