stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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