If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
