my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
