Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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