Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
